More than our Mistakes
by SkySmoke
Summary: **SPOILERS if you have not seen the season 3 finale***    Post Knockdown - How will they deal with Beckett being shot? Does she survive? Where does this take them now?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

The quotes that I use from the season 3 finale are not mine, I do not claim them. They belong to the epic Will Beall, I only borrow them.

More than our Mistakes

"No one…No one outside of this _immediate_ family _ever_ needs to know about this. As far as the world is concerned, Roy Montgomery died a hero. We owe it to him. All of us."

Kate Beckett's voice was low, her eyes serious, as she spoke to the men sitting around the table in her apartment. None of them spoke, but they all met her eyes in a silent vow of agreement before heading to the funeral.

The drums played as they walked the casket carrying Captain Roy Montgomery's body to what would be his final resting place. Castle was the only Paul Bearer who was not a member of the NYPD; a distinction he has been both surprised and honored by. The weight of the casket was like lead in his hand and served as a reminder that the events of the past few days were more real than he wanted them to be. As they gently set the casket next to the grave and placed their gloved hands on the lid in a final goodbye he glanced briefly at Kate. He could see the barely controlled emotions all over her face and she swallowed hard as they turned to face forward. Rick pulled off his sunglasses as he looked at Roy's family. His wife had tears openly running down her face as her daughters sat to each side of her.

The flag on the casket was folded and handed to Roy's wife and Kate had to look away from the woman's raw emotion. She wanted to fall apart like that herself, but she was expected to speak. She took a deep breath as she stepped up to the podium at the head of the casket.

"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to _be_ a cop. He taught me that we are bound by our choices…but we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said to me that for us there is no victory, there are only battles. And in the end, the best that you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you."

She paused in her speech for a moment to look over at Castle, who was standing off to the side of the podium in a silent show of support. Their eyes met and Kate's lips turned up in a brief smile before she turned back to the mourners.

"Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight…"

Beckett's words faded to background noise as Castle caught sight of something flashing behind the gravestones at the far side of the cemetery. It was gone before he could pinpoint its location and his gaze lingered in the general direction it had come from. A second later he saw it again and in the same instance that he recognized it for what it was, he heard the shot. His world stopped revolving except for the woman in front of him. He dove for her, screaming her name.

"Kate!"

He wrapped his arms around her and threw both of them to the ground. He knew from how limp her body was that he had been too late. He moved himself over her and briefly saw the blood on her glove as he slid a hand behind her neck and moved one down to rest on her side. He was not aware of any of the insanity going on around him. People were screaming and running but he didn't notice any of it. As his eyes met hers he could already see that he was losing her.

"Shhh, Kate please. Stay with me Kate. Don't leave me…please."

Tears ran down the side of her face and he moved his hand up and down her side, the other one still supporting her neck. His whole body shook and his eyes never left hers as he tried to get her to respond. A small part of his brain acknowledged the fact that this may be the last time he ever spoke to her.

"Kate I love you. I love you Kate." He choked the words out, his face inches from hers, his breathing ragged and his eyes pleading with her to just stay with him. He felt her neck go limp as her eyes rolled back in her head and her eyelids fluttered shut. Tears flooded his vision as all at once the world surrounding them came rushing back at him, full force.

Lanie came crashing to the ground on her knees beside him, tears streaming down her face, Esposito right behind her.

"Lanie! Stay down!"

Lanie paid no attention to him as she shoved Castle aside and checked for a pulse.

"KATE god dammit don't you do this!" She screamed at the woman lying on the ground. "We need to get pressure on this wound." Her eyes searched frantically around them and Castle ripped off his jacket and shoved it into her hands.

"Esposito, GO! Catch the bastard that did this before he gets away again." She screamed at Esposito as she pressed Castle's jacket against Kate's side. Esposito's eyes met Castle's over Lanie's head. Castle nodded numbly and Esposito took off running. Castle glanced up briefly to see Kate's dad standing with his mother and Alexis. The three of them clung to each other as uniformed officers kept them back from Kate. The wail of the ambulance came shrieking towards them and Castle had never been so happy to hear a sound in his entire life. Medics came running up with a stretcher.

"No pulse." Lanie said sharply. The medic nodded to her as the put Kate on the stretcher and carried her towards the waiting ambulance. Castle was on his feet in an instant and right behind them.

"Sir, you can't ride with her."

"The hell I can't.."

"Castle." he felt Lanie's hand on his arm. "Let them do their job. You don't want to be in there for that."

"Lanie…I can't leave her…"

Her grip on his arm tightened as the medics slammed the ambulance door shut. He swallowed hard as he watched them pull away. His body started shaking even harder and Lanie wrapped her arms around him.

"Lanie…she can't…"

"Shh. Let's get to the hospital."

"You said…no pulse…"

"I know."

Her eyes filled with tears as they met his.

"But she is strong. And she has a lot of reasons to hang on. You know our girl, she'll fight. Lets go."

Ryan and Esposito came running up to them, breathless.

"He got away." Esposito answered coldly.

"I ran after him as soon as I saw where it had come from, but he had too much of a lead." Ryan's voice cracked as he looked at Castle, then Lanie, his eyes full of concern.

"They just took her away in the ambulance. She had no pulse." Lanie answered his unspoken question, her voice low.

"Lets go." Ryan and Esposito both gestured towards the squad car. The four of them headed towards it when Alexis's scream stopped them.

"DAD!" Castle turned to see her push past the two uniformed officers that were trying to hold her back. She hit the front of him with almost enough force to knock him over. Her arms wrapped around his waist as she sobbed against his chest. Only one word would come out.

"K-kate?"

"They are taking her to the hospital now. I need you to stay with Grams and Jim, okay? You can ride there with them."

"I-is she okay?"

"We don't know."

Martha and Jim weren't far behind the teenager. Castle embraced his mother with one arm and met Jim's eyes over their head.

"Take care of her Rick." He said quietly.

"I will sir."

"They can come with me. We'll see you guys there." He said quietly as he gently tugged at Alexis's arm. She slowly let go of her death grip on her father and watched with tears streaming down her face as he climbed into the squad car and they tore out of the cemetery, sirens screaming.

* * *

><p>The squad car burned rubber as they made a hard turn into the emergency room parking lot. The four of them scrambled out of the car and headed towards the emergency room at a dead run.<p>

"We're here for Detective Katherine Beckett." Castle said, reaching the nurses desk first.

"Are you family?"

"Yes." All four of them answered at once. The nurse looked up, her eyes wide at Esposito and Ryan's uniforms.

"She was just taken to surgery. She will be on the 5th floor, there is a waiting room up there."

The ride to the fifth floor was quiet. Lanie leaned against Esposito and finally let her tears come as he wrapped his arms around her. Castle pulled out his phone and text Alexis, letting her know where to meet them. He looked up and for a moment their eyes all met, concern and fear clearly etched on all of their faces. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Castle checked in with the nurses station.

"We're here for Detective Katherine Beckett."

"She just went into surgery. A doctor will be out to speak with you shortly."

Castle nodded and they all took seats in the waiting room. A few minutes later the elevator doors slid open and Jim, Martha and Alexis stepped out. Alexis spotted them first and ran over to Castle. He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her as she leaned her head into his shoulder and cried. As selfish as he felt, he took as much comfort from her presence as she did from his. Martha sat in the chair next to Castle and Jim next to her. No one spoke until Castle cleared his throat.

"They took her to surgery…a doctor should be out soon."

Jim nodded slowly.

"Sir…I'm so sorry…I wasn't fast enough…"

"Shhh." The noise came at him from all directions and he looked up to see everyone around him looking angry.

"Castle, no one blames you for this. You couldn't have known, and as soon as you did you threw yourself in front of her. Had you been a fraction of a second earlier, you would have taken the bullet for her." It was Lanie who spoke, and everyone else nodded their agreement.

"Don't even blame yourself bro." Esposito said quietly. "You did your best to protect her."

"Rick…I don't blame you. I saw what you did for her…"

Jim's voice was thick with emotion and even though Castle hardly knew the man, he could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"How was she…when they took her?"

Castle opened his mouth to answer when a doctor came around the corner.

"The family of Katherine Beckett?"

"Here" They all answered.

"All…of you?"

"Yes. I am her father, this is the rest of her family." He answered without hesitation. The doctor blinked at them before continuing.

"They were able to get her pulse back in the ambulance. The bullet clipped her liver, but missed any other vital organs. It grazed her lung, but not enough to cause significant damage. The liver is what we are worried about the most. It wasn't hit a lot, but she has lost a lot of blood, and we are trying to stop the bleeding now."

"Is she going to make it?" Castle asked the question that was on everyone's mind.

"It is touch and go at the moment. She hasn't lost her pulse again, but if we can't get the bleeding stopped…That is our biggest problem at the moment. But we are cautiously optimistic. She is in good health, that is always a plus."

"Is there anything we can do?" Ryan asked.

"You can donate blood, if any of you are matches. We are getting blood into her now, but she will most likely need more. Other than that, all you can do is wait. I will be back out as soon as I have an update. You can go down to the third floor to donate blood if you want to."

They all nodded and the doctor headed back to the operating room.

"She…had no pulse?" Jim said, his voice shaky. Castle met his eyes and shook his head slowly. Jim let his head drop into his hands as he cried quietly. Martha reached over and put her hand on his arm.

"Why don't we go in pairs to donate blood and see if any of us are a match? That way there is always someone here in case the come out with an update." She suggested quietly. Everyone nodded and Lanie and Esposito went first.

The time passed slowly as they all took turns going down to the third floor to be tested and donate blood. Castle ended up being the only match for Beckett but they all donated anyways. Given the circumstances, it just felt like the right thing to do. As the time passed, other officers came in groups and sat with them for a while for support, but it basically stayed just the family in the waiting room. Castle looked up in shock as Roy's wife walked up to the waiting room. They all stood up and hugged her.

"You didn't have to come." Castle said quietly.

"The hell I didn't. She was shot at Roy's funeral. She was Roy's…she meant a lot to him. Any word?"

"Not recently, no. We are hoping no news is good news. Its been three hours."

"She'll pull though. Roy always talked about how strong she was…" Her voice drifted to silence as her thoughts moved from Kate to her late husband. Castle squeezed her shoulders.

"Go home, be with your family. We will call you."

She nodded slowly and hugged them all goodbye. Moments after the elevator doors slid shut behind her the doctor they had spoken with earlier came around the corner.

"We have managed to stop the bleeding. We lost her pulse once more, but its been steady ever since. We should be finished in about an hour if things continue to go well. She will be in ICU and only…_immediate _family will be allowed to see her, and even then, only one at a time."

He finished with a pointed look at Jim.

"This is her _immediate _family. Is she…going to make it?"

"We will know for sure after twenty four hours, but it is looking better than it was a few hours ago. I will come let you know when she's out."

Jim nodded and the doctor left them again. The group breathed a collective sigh of relief. She wasn't in the clear yet, but at least she would be out of surgery soon. Castle turned to Alexis and Martha.

"Why don't you two go back to the loft? Get something to eat or at least sleep for a few hours. I will let you know as soon as she is out and if you want to come back you can."

"But Dad…I want to see her…"

"Sweetie I know, but she won't be awake for quiet a while. You need to sleep."

Alexis huffed at him but followed Martha as they hugged everyone goodbye and headed towards the elevator. They waited in tense silence for another hour and a half until the doctor came back out.

"She is out of surgery, the rest went well. She is in a private room in the ICU on the sixth floor. Visitors can go in one at a time, but you can't stay long. She is stable right now, but still in critical condition. If nothing changes…I would say she is going to make it."

"Thank you." Jim choked out as he shook the doctor's hand. One by one they all shook his hand and thanked him. He left the waiting room and all at once they were hugging each other, tears streaming silently down their faces. All the emotion they had been holding back during the surgery came pouring out. Lanie wrapped her arms tightly around Castle.

"She's going to be okay."

"Yea..she is."

"We lost her Castle…for a minute there…we lost her."

"I know…"

They stood for a moment, holding each other as thoughts of what could have happened flooded their minds. It was Ryan and Esposito that pulled them out of it.

"Hey," Esposito said softly as he put his hand on Lanie's shoulder. "She's going to be okay."

"Yea, I know, its just that…she was gone Javier."

"I know." He pulled her against him in a tight hug. Castle felt Ryan's hand squeeze his shoulder.

"What you did…throwing yourself in front of her like that…"

"She is my partner."

"Yea…I know. And no one could have asked more of you if you were an actual cop. So don't blame yourself."

Castle nodded and they took a minute to compose themselves before heading up to ICU.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Yup, that's right, I have jumped on the "omg lets write a fanfic based on the finale" bandwagon. I didn't want to, but this story has invaded my head and will not let go. That episode was just so amazingly epic I couldn't help but let my mind wander, and here we are. I only hope I have done it some justice, as that was just story telling at its best. So, here it is. As always, any mistakes are my own.


	2. Chapter 2

Castle let everyone else go in to see her first. Despite his need to see her alive and breathing, he had no plans of leaving her room until she woke up, so he wanted to let everyone else have a chance to see her. He text his mother, who responded by saying Alexis had passed out the second she hit the bed and that they would come by in the morning.

Jim was the first in to see her, followed by Esposito, Ryan and then Lanie. Castle spoke to Jim as the rest of them went in to see Kate.

"I'm going to stay with her tonight."

"I figured you would. Thank you."

"Of course. You can go get some sleep too. I will call everyone the second she wakes up. You can even stay at my place if you want. We have a spare bedroom, its closer."

Jim considered the offer for a moment before slowly nodding.

"Thanks Rick, I'd like that."

"You're welcome. I don't like the thought of you going home by yourself tonight anyhow."

He text his mother again, letting her know Jim would be there shortly. He stood up and shook Jim's hand as he left and was surprised to find himself pulled into a hug.

"You're a good man Rick, I'm glad she found you."

"And I'm glad I found her sir."

They nodded at each other and Jim headed towards the elevator. Lanie came out of Kate's room and came to stand with the boys.

"Are you staying here tonight Castle?" She asked quietly.

"Yes. You guys go, I'll call you as soon as she wakes up."

"We can stay Castle." Esposito stated.

"I know you can, but there is no reason for all of us to lose sleep. Go. I'll call you."

Ryan and Esposito looked at each other for a moment before nodding. They understood his need to be there until she woke up.

"Alright, but you call if you need anything, understand."

"Understand."

He watched them walk down the hall and into the elevator then turned to the door of Kate's room. He opened the door quietly and walked in. He was surprised to find a doctor flipping through the chart at the end of her bed, and took a step back when the doctor that turned to face him was Josh.

"J-Josh? What are you doing here?"

"I work here. And I'm checking on Kate." His response was short, his tone cold.

"I thought you were…out of the country?"

"I've been back, for a month now." He muttered as she checked the machines that were hooked up to Kate.

"Aren't you a cardiac surgeon?"

Josh spun around to face him, anger in his eyes as well as his voice.

"Yes, I am. But that is my _girlfriend_ laying in the bed fighting for her life."

"I know…I was just…surprised to see you is all."

"I came as soon as someone from the _staff_ called and told me what had happened. I…she told me she wasn't feeling well a few days ago and was going to stay in bed. I offered to come, but she told me no. I tried calling last night but she didn't answer. I even went to her place but there was no answer at the door either. The news about the captain was all over the news. I've been worried sick…and now this…what the hell is going on?"

Rick was a little surprised by his anger, but then realized how angry he would be if no one had called him and something had happened to Kate. He shook his head to clear his thoughts as a vivid image of watching her eyes go blank before closing flashed across his mind.

"She got shot at Captain Montgomery's funeral. Whatever else she does or doesn't want you to know is up to her to decide."

"Yea well, she and I can discuss that later. I'm going to be in and out all night. I work night shift, and I'll be up here checking on her as much as I can."

"Good." Rick said as he pulled up a chair next to Kate's bed. "We'll be seeing a lot of each other then."

"You can't stay here."

"Like hell I can't. I'm not leaving her alone."

"She won't be alone. I just told you, I'll be here. She is my _girlfriend_. You really think I'd just leave her alone?"

Castle smiled slightly at Josh's need to emphasize the word girlfriend every time he said it, like he was reassuring himself of his status in Kate's life.

"Well she is my _partner _and I have every intention of being here when she wakes up."

Josh glared at him for a minute before turning to storm out of the room. Castle watched him go, then turned his attention to Kate. Tears welled up in his eyes and ran slowly down his face at the sight of her laying there looking so helpless. He looked at the tubes running into her, and the machines hooked up to her before his gazed rested on the steady rise and fall of her chest. He had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He leaned down and kissed her forehead softly.

"Thank you Kate, for staying with me."

He sat down in the chair next to her bed and used another one to prop up his feet. He picked up a magazine and tried to read but found himself looking at her every few seconds to make sure she was still breathing, so he gave up and set the magazine down. He leaned his head back and followed the tubes that ran from her arms. One of them was blood and he smiled softly as he saw his last name scrawled across the bag. He took a little bit of comfort in knowing that it was his blood running into her body and helping her live. He closed his eyes and focused on the even sound of her breathing and finally drifted into a restless sleep.

* * *

><p>Castle woke up several times though out the night in a panic and had to stand up and watch Kate breathe to reassure himself that she was alive. A few times he had woken up to Josh checking on her. Neither one of them spoke to each other and did their best to ignore the others presence in the room.<p>

Castle picked up his phone from the table he had sat it on and looked at the clock. 4:00am. It was still early. He had text messages from Lanie, Esposito, Ryan and his mother. He responded to all of them letting them know she was still okay but not awake yet, then he sat his phone down and turned his attention back to Kate.

A wave of guilt washed over him that brought him to tears. He blamed himself for everything that had happened over the course of the past week. If it hadn't been for him there was a good chance none of this would have happened. Had he not dug deeper into Johanna's murder chances were Captain Montgomery would still be alive and Kate wouldn't be in a hospital bed fighting for her life. Had he been a little more observant, or a little faster he could have gotten her out of the way of the bullet that had almost killed her. He had no doubt that whoever was after her would not stop until they got what they wanted. The only hope against that was if she got to them first, and Castle had every intention of doing everything he could to make that happen. He would fund an entire task force dedicated to the case if he had to. Anything to keep her safe.

His train of thought was pulled back into the present when Kate shifted in her bed and moaned softly. He reached for her had, gripping it softly. He waited on calling the nurse. She had done the same thing a few times during the night and nothing had come of it. The first time he had called the nurse, frantic, and could tell by her annoyed expression that it really hadn't been necessary.

"I'm right here Kate." He whispered the words, but in the silence of the room they sounded much louder. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and his heart stopped when he saw their brilliant green; a sight he hadn't been sure he would ever see again a few hours ago.

"C-castle?" Her voice was raspy, hesitant, and barely louder than a whisper but he was up and at her side in an instant, his hand still wrapped around hers.

"Right here Kate, I'm right here."

He leaned over the bed so she could see him without moving. She blinked slowly as her vision tried to focus, but the effort made her tired so she just closed her eyes.

"W-what…where…"

"Shhh. Don't try to talk. You were shot. You're in the hospital."

"Espo…" Her voice sounded panicked and he understood at once what she wanted.

"No. Everyone is fine. Esposito, Ryan, Lanie, your dad, my mom, Alexis. Everyone. They are all okay."

"She took a deep breathe and the faintest trace of a smile appeared on the edges of her mouth. He felt a small squeeze of his hand.

"Than…"

"Shhh. Its fine. Stop trying to talk, just rest."

He pushed the button for the nurse even though he could tell she had drifted back to sleep by the way her breathing evened out. Tears openly streamed down his face as the nurse came into the room. She took one look at his face and rushed to the bedside, checking machine monitors as she moved Castle out of the way.

"What happened? Is she okay?"

"She woke up, kind of."

The nurse glared at him.

"No, not like the other times. Her eyes opened, she was trying to talk to me."

"Did she know where she was?"

"No, but she knew my name and was trying to ask questions. She didn't keep her eyes open very long and could hardly talk."

"It is going to take her a while to come around, but this is a good sign. You should go home, get some sleep…"

"No way, not until she is awake. I'm not taking the chance of her waking up alone."

The nurse smiled sadly at him. She could tell by the determination in his voice that he wasn't going to budge.

"You should at least get food. The cafeteria is open 24 hours, if you give me your cell number I'll call you if anything happens."

"Thank you, but I don't think I could eat anyways. The rest of her family will be back later today, maybe I'll go while one of them stays later."

"Well, if you change your mind, let me know."

"I will, thank you."

The nurse smiled at him again and closed the door quietly as she left the room. Castle stood by the bed for a few more minutes, just watching Kate sleep. For the first time since she had been shot he allowed himself to feel a glimmer of hope that everything was going to be okay. When her eyes had closed at the cemetery he had been so sure he had lost her, so sure he would never see her smile or laugh again. That he would never see her roll her eyes at some of his most outlandish theories; then smile when she thought he wasn't looking. Never see her get so frustrated with him that all she could do was purse her lips and walk away, leaving him to follow her and end up making her laugh anyway. He knew that her job put her life on the line on a daily basis sometimes, he had been there though some of her most recent close calls, but none had come as close as this had. None had made him think about how deeply she had affected his life and how profoundly she had changed him as a person. None had moved him to tears at the though of his life without her in it.

* * *

><p>Authors Note:<p>

*flails around* the review reply link has not been working in my emails. As soon as it is again, I will be responding to reviews. Until then, please know I appreciate them all! Any mistakes in the story are mine, I own up to them 100%. I am not a doctor, I will make mistakes in the medical aspect of things, but if those are the only critiques, then I'm happy as a clam.

This story got a much warmer welcome than I expected. I did not want to write this one, as I felt it was...I don't know, over done? to be writing a fic based on the finale. However, once my mind wandered after the end I had to write it. I am glad you are enjoying it. Thank you AGAIN for reviewing. If you are a regular reading of my other stuff you will know I normally reply to reviews, but I haven't been able to (can you tell its bugging me)

Also, *ducks flying objects for bringing Josh back* have faith, mkay?

And, as always, THANK YOU for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

He was deep in thought when the door slowly opened and Josh walked into the room. The sight of Castle standing next to Kate's bed made Josh angry at first, and he closed the door with every intention of arguing with Castle, then Castle turned to look at him. His blue eyes were dull, the whites surrounding them were red and tears ran down his face. The normal sarcastic spark in his eyes was gone and, for a moment, was replaced by a look of sadness Josh had never seen in him before. It was quickly replaced by something between surprise and annoyance as he reached up and wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand as Josh walked up to the bed.

"Is she okay?" Josh asked quietly, immediately assuming something had happened with Kate to cause the tears. He glanced quickly at the machine displays, then to the woman sleeping in the bed. Everything seemed to still be fine.

"Yea.. I mean… as okay as she has been. She woke up for a minute."

"She did? Why didn't someone call me?"

"She was awake less than a minute, literally." Castle answered tensely, doing nothing to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"Oh. Did she say anything?"

"Yea. My name, she tried to ask where she was and if everyone else was okay. She tried to say thank you, and then she passed out again."

Castle smiled briefly at the hurt look that crossed Josh's face when he said Kate had said his name but not Josh's.

"Tried to? She couldn't talk?"

"She could, but it was hard for her, so I told her not to. I knew what she was asking anyhow, she didn't need to say it."

"Look, if you want to go home for a while, or go get something to eat, I can stay-"

"No way. I'm not leaving until she's awake. I don't want her waking up alone."

"She wouldn't _be alone._ I said I would stay."

"That's not what I meant. She is my partner. She would expect me to be here. If it were me lying there, she wouldn't leave."

"You say you are her partner like you're actually a cop. I think you forget that you aren't sometimes."

Castle bit back an angry response. Here, next to Kate's bed, was not the place to be having this discussion with a man he hardly knew. He sighed before taking his seat in the chair next to Kate's bed. Josh looked slightly surprised by his lack of comeback.

"Look, I know you love her. I know you are in love with her, anyone who sees the two of you together knows that. I'm telling you now, I'm not just walking away and letting you have her. Not unless she tells me to. You might not think anyone can love her like you can, but I love her too." Josh spoke in a low, quiet tone, but it didn't effect the meaning behind his words. Castle took a breathe then looked up and met his eyes.

"All I care about right now is her being okay. Nothing else matters."

Josh blinked a few times, then nodded. He was shocked at Castle's lack of response. The man usually had a sharply worded comeback for anything thrown his way. He had felt the need to let Castle know that he wasn't backing down, and hearing Castle's response made the statement seem so petty. He ran his hand through his hair and hesitated a second before leaning down to kiss Kate's forehead then walk quickly from the room without saying anything else.

Castle watched the door close behind him before letting out the breathe he wasn't aware he had been holding. He had meant what he said to Josh. He knew there were things that needed to be talked out, but none of it was important, none of it mattered. As long as she was okay, everything else would work itself out in the end.

* * *

><p>The next time Castle opened his eyes it was to blink groggily at the person who was shaking him. His vision finally focused on a very annoyed looking Lanie who was standing in front of him, one hand on her hip the other extended in front of her holding a cup of coffee. Castle shifted in his chair as he took the coffee. He picked his phone up to look at the time.<p>

"Its eight. Visiting hours just started. We've all been worried sick about you, and her. You haven't answered your phone or texts."

Castle blinked at her again as he took a sip of his coffee and was finally able to focus on the screen on his phone. He had fifteen missed calls and thirty new text messages.

"I'm sorry…I must have passed out."

"Obviously. You sent us all that text that she had woke up some, and was back asleep and then no one could get a hold of you. We knew from the nurse that you were still up here, but we couldn't get past the lobby until just now. Sit up Castle."

Lanie spoke sharply, but the tone in her voice was soft. Castle pushed himself completely upright in the chair and dropped his feet off of the one he had been using as a foot rest. Lanie sat down in it.

"Why don't you go home and get some sleep for a few hours? Everyone is here now, she won't be left alone for a second. You know that." She put her hand over his as she looked into his eyes. "You're no good to her, to any of us, like this."

Castle violently shook his head no as he slowly stood up from the chair. He moved around Lanie's chair to

stand next to Kate's bed. He watched her take a few breaths then turned to Lanie.

"I can't leave her Lanie. If it were me laying there, she wouldn't leave either."

Lanie sighed as she moved to stand next to him.

"No, she wouldn't. You are both stupidly stubborn that way. If you won't go home to sleep, at least come with me to get some food. There are other people who want to see her too, and they can't come in until you come out. I only got in here by bribing the nursing station with coffee and promising to get you out of here for a while."

Castle hesitated for a moment before leaning down and softly kissing Kate's forehead.

"I'll be back" He whispered. Lanie bit her lip to keep her tears in check. She knew the author cared about her best friend, but she wasn't used to seeing the tender side of him. She turned to leave the room and Castle reluctantly followed her.

He had barely made it out into the waiting room and Alexis was in his arms.

"Dad!" She mumbled into his shirt as she buried her face in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly, inhaling her comforting scent deeply.

"Hey pumpkin."

"Can I see her?"

"She isn't awake yet. Are you sure you want to-"

"Dad. Please?"

Castle nodded slowly. He understood his daughters need to see Kate. To know she was alive, even if she wasn't awake yet

"Yes, you can see her. But I don't want you going in by yourself. You'll have to figure out a way to go in with someone else, or wait until I get back."

Alexis nodded her agreement and let go of her father so her grandmother could hug him.

"Oh Darling…" Martha cooed as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm fine mother." He said softly. "She's going to be okay, so I'm fine."

"I know dear, but you look like death. Please tell me that Lanie convinced you to go home and get some sleep? You're no good to Kate like this."

"No such luck, but she did convince me to get some food."

"Well, I suppose we'll take the small victory." Martha said as she smiled at Lanie.

"I could always cuff him and drag him to the car. I'd be happy to after what he did this morning. Really bro? Not responding to calls or texts? Not cool." Esposito glared at Castle as he came up behind Lanie and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Right. I'm sorry about that, I must have passed out after Josh left-"

"Josh?" Ryan asked as he walked into the room with Jim, each of them carrying a cup of coffee. "What is he doing here?"

Castle pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes and blinked hard.

"I guess he's been back in town for a month. That's what he said at least. He was in her room last night when I went in here. He's been checking on her all night long."

"Did you…was he?" Ryan couldn't seem to find the words to ask what everyone else was wondering but didn't want to say. Castle laughed, but it sounded empty, even to himself.

"There are some things we…don't agree on. But everything is fine."

Ryan and Esposito nodded stiffly and Castle could see protective annoyance flash behind their eyes. It was similar to the look they got when they felt that someone was messing with Beckett. He smiled briefly at the fact that it was directed towards him. He considered the people in this room his family, and to know that the felt the same way was a light in an otherwise fairly dark tunnel.

"Its okay guys, really."

They grumbled their agreement and moved to sit in the chairs that lined the room. It was then that Castle realized that they planned on staying all day. All of them.

"Are you guys…staying?" He asked, shocked. He had expected all of them to be around throughout the day in one way or another, but he certainly hadn't expected all of them to be there all day long. A chorus of irritated huffs, sighs and mumbled "of course"s were his response to the question. He smiled as he realized how lucky he was to have these people in his life. The smile was quickly replaced by tears that he had to fight back, because the next logical thought was that they were all in his life because of Kate.

"Food, we're getting you food. Let's go."

It was Lanie's voice that cut though his emotions and he let her lead him away from the waiting room and towards the nearest elevator.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Sorry the updates are coming slow. Writing two stories at once has been...well...odd. This one seems to want to be written, where I would prefer to work on Breaking Point. So we (the stories and I) seem to have come to a stand off. I think I've come to an agreement. I'll probably alternate in the updates. Anyhow...

Review that made my day: **KrisMc** really...apply for Will Beall's position. If I could have 1/4 of that mans talent I would die happy. Thank you for the epic compliment. Really,honestly, totally made my day. Part of why I didn't want to write this is because I really didn't feel I could do the episode justice. **JolieChae13** your reviews always make me smile.

To everyone, as always, thank YOU for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

For the rest of the day the group did everything in shifts. The would go in pairs to get food and they all took turns sitting in Kate's room. It took a few hours but the group finally managed to convince Castle to lay down on the waiting room couch and sleep for a few hours. He woke up to see them all sitting on the floor playing monopoly. He smiled at how easily they all got along. If it weren't for the fact that Kate was missing, he could almost let himself imagine that it was game night at his place. His gaze drifted around the room and he saw that it was still just people from their group. Only Jim was missing and Castle assumed he was probably in Kate's room. Esposito, Ryan, Lanie and Alexis sat on the floor around the monopoly board and Martha sat in one of the chairs reading a magazine.

Esposito and Lanie sat on one side of the board, Ryan on another and Alexis sat across from Ryan. Castle smiled at the fact that Lanie was leaning against Espositio's side. He was glad they weren't trying to hide their relationship. They all needed as much comfort from one another as they could get right now. He stretched, then winced as he sat up slowly.

"Well look who's awake." Lanie teased.

"Welcome back to the land of the living bro, you've been cold for hours."

"What time is it?" Castle mumbled as he tilted his head from side to side, trying to work the kinks out of his neck.

"Just after two." Ryan answered as he rolled the dice.

"Two? Really? Wow."

"Yea Dad, you were out. Grams even left and went home to get the game and some books. You haven't noticed anything."

Alexis smiled softly at him as she counted out money and handed it to Ryan for passing go.

"I see you've taken over my roll as banker?" Castle laughed.

"Of course."

"How is she?" He asked to the group as a whole. There was no need to elaborate on which she he was referring to.

"The same. We've all been taking shifts, an hour each. Jim just relived me." Esposito answered. Castle nodded and looked around the room. They all looked tired and worried.

"Does anyone need anything? I'm going to go to the cafeteria and get coffee. I'll take the next shift in her room."

"I'll come with you. I could use a soda or something." Martha said as she stood up from her chair and stretched.

"Anyone else?" They all shook their heads no as he and Martha headed to the elevator. Martha turned to Rick as soon as the doors slid shut.

"You should come home tonight. Alexis is worried about you. I am worried about you."

"I wasn't the one who got shot."

"No, but you could have been. You would have been had you been a second faster. Richard…does that woman know how much you love her?"

Castle leaned against the back of the elevator and sighed as he ran his hand though his hair.

"I don't know mother. We never talk about any of the things that happen between us."

"Well you need to tell her."

"I did…" His statement drifted into uncomfortable silence for a moment and the elevator doors opened before he could continue. They stepped off the elevator and walked towards the cafeteria. Martha kept quiet, knowing if she gave him enough time he would finish his statement.

"I've tried to tell her. More than that I've tried to show her. I'll do anything to be there for her. But…I did tell her. When she got shot…before she passed out, I…said I loved her. I wasn't sure I would ever get a chance and I didn't want her to…I wanted her to know."

"Oh Richard…" Martha cooed as she put her hand on his arm. He sighed heavily as she continued. "You need to tell her, when you know she can hear you. Not when she's…not like that."

"I know I do. But…now isn't the time. Once we get past all of this."

"There is always going to be something you can use as an excuse to put it off. That's how life is. Not everyone is given a second chance, don't waste is."

"I don't plan on it."

"Good."

They made idle small talk as they paid for the coffee and headed back up to the waiting room. They stepped off of the elevator and Jim was waiting for them.

"What? What happened? Is she okay?" Castle asked, the panic in his voice becoming more apparently with every word as he hurried in the direction of Kate's room, Jim and Martha trailing behind him.

"Castle, she's fine. She's still not awake. I came out early and heard you were awake, I figured you would want the next shift."

Castle's pace slowed as Jim's words sank in. She was still fine. Asleep, but fine. He smiled, embarrassed at his panic.

"Right. Sorry about that."

"It's okay. I should have waited until you got back. I was headed to the cafeteria and just happened to meet you at the elevator. I wasn't waiting for you."

"Its okay. Who is in there with her now?"

"Lanie. She said she'd stay until you got there."

Castle nodded and headed towards Kate's room. He opened the door quietly and saw Lanie sitting in the chair next to Kate's bed, tears slowly running down her face.

"Hey." He whispered. Lanie looked up at him and half smiled. He walked over and sat in the chair across from her.

"You okay?"

"Yea, I just…seeing her like this…" She sniffed and wiped the tears off of her face with the back of her hand. Castle reached over and squeezed her hand. He hated seeing her so upset. Lanie, along with Kate, was one of the strongest women he knew and to see her looking so…broken, was hard.

"She's going to be okay."

"I know she is. I just wish she would wake up and start telling us all to go home, ya know?"

Castle laughed softly.

"Yea, me too. And you know she will. She's going to take one look at all of us and tell us to go home, that we look like hell."

They both laughed, then stopped as they realized they were in a hospital room, next to Kate.

"It feels weird to laugh." Lanie stated quietly.

"It does, but you know she'll have us all laughing over this at some point."

"I don't know that we'll ever laugh over this one Castle. This one came too close. We lost her…"

"I know."

"She loves you, you know that, right?"

Castle looked at the floor between them, then back up at Lanie.

"I don't know Lanie…"

"Well I do."

A look of surprise flashed across Castle's face and Lanie smiled.

"No, she hasn't come right out and said it to me, but she doesn't have to. She's my best friend Castle, and I know she loves you. I know she's scared. I know the two of you have this hit and miss thing going, and that there is probably more to it than any of us know, but I know one thing. She loves you Rick. And I know you love her. Don't waste any more time. We…never know how much time we have."

Castle nodded slowly and Lanie held his gaze for a moment before patting his knee as she stood to leave.

"I'll get going before the nurses come in and get all upset about having more than one person in here. We're all driving them nuts as it is. You come out in an hour and let someone else come in. I know you plan on staying all night again, so let other people be here while they can."

"I will."

Castle smiled at Lanie as she closed the door and he thought again about how lucky he was to have all of these amazing people in his life. He looked over at Kate who was still sleeping peacefully and wondered if she had heard him say he loved her. And if she had, would it change anything between them once she woke up.

* * *

><p>"<em>If this is your spot…I will stand with you."<em>

"_Captain please, just listen to me. You don't have to do this. Please, sir! I forgive you. __**I forgive you."**_

"_This is my spot Kate…this is where I stand."_

"_No..no. Please! Sir, you don't have to do this. No…please. Castle let me go! **PLEASE**!"_

Kate's breath caught in her throat at the memory, though she wasn't fully awake. She gasped as she tried to catch her breath and was vaguely aware of someone saying her name, but they sounded so far away. She thought about opening her eyes, but the actual action seemed to take too much effort. She fought the panic and took a few deep breaths as she listened to her surroundings. She could hear machines, but aside from that it was quiet. Where was she? She fought hard to remember something, anything.

The memories seemed to come in pictures, like a flashback. The grief hit her like a hammer. The captain was gone. He had died to protect her. More than that, he had chosen to die in her place. Castle…they had argued, but the captain had called him because he knew. He knew Castle was the only person who would take her away and let the captain carry out his plan. He knew Castle would do anything to protect her.

The funeral. They had been at the funeral. She had been speaking, Castle had been standing next to her and then…she had been shot. She remembered him screaming her name, and hitting the ground. Him begging her to stay with him, that he…had he really said that he loved her? She forced her eyes open, and blinked slowly a few times as they adjusted to the light. She turned her head and could make out a figure sitting next to her bed. She blinked a few more times before she was able to focus enough to tell that it was Castle. She tried to find the energy to say his name, but couldn't do it and she closed her eyes again as she drifted back to sleep.

* * *

><p>Castle sat bolt upright when Kate gasped. He slid the chair closer to her bed.<p>

"Kate? Kate. I'm right here Kate."

She seemed to panic for a moment, then took a few deep breaths. It was a few minutes before her eyes opened, just barely, and she turned her head towards him. He could barely tell that her eyes were open, but he reached for her hand anyways and took it just as she drifted back to sleep. He sighed and leaned back in the chair. He was grateful that she had seemed to have woken up for a moment, but wished she would say something, just so he knew she was okay. He spent the rest of his hour shift just watching her sleep. There was no change and he hoped that at least her sleep wasn't haunted by the nightmare that had led her to this point.

He kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand before reluctantly heading to the waiting room. He shook his head sadly at everyone's expectant faces.

"She opened her eyes a little bit and seemed to be awake for a second, but then…" He sighed heavily.

"She lost a lot of blood and was in surgery for a long time. Its going to take a while bro, but she'll be alright."

Esposito patted his shoulder as he walked past. It was his turn to sit with Kate. Visiting hours would be over in a few hours and Castle would be alone for the night. He realized how grateful he was that everyone had decided to stay with him all day.

He sat in the chair next to Jim. Alexis and Martha had gone to the cafeteria, Lanie and Ryan decided to join them, leaving Castle and Jim alone in the waiting room. Castle leaned back in the chair and let his head come to rest on the waiting room wall as he closed his eyes. The silence between him and Jim was more comfortable than he expected it would be, considering he hadn't known the man for very long and his daughter was lying in a hospital bed. They were quiet for a moment, and then Jim spoke.

"Thank you Rick."

Castle turned his head and looked at Jim without lifting it from the wall.

"For what?"

"For trying to stop her. I knew it was a long shot when I came to your loft that night. I knew there wasn't much that could stop her, there never is when she has her mind set on something. But I knew you would try, and I knew from the way she has talked about you that you, more than anyone else, had a shot."

Jim reached in his pocked and pulled out a chain that Castle recognized at once as Johanna's ring on its necklace. Jim watched the ring spin for a moment before looking at Castle.

"She had this in her pocket at the funeral. They gave it to me…after the surgery."

He hesitated for a second then held out his hand, offering the necklace to Castle, who slowly shook his head no.

"Jim…I can't."

"Just…hold on to it for her? I…I know you'll be here when she wakes up, and I don't want her to want it and have it not be here. You can give it back to me tomorrow morning if she's not awake."

"Are you sure? She…"

"Wouldn't care Rick. I know she wouldn't or I wouldn't be giving it to you."

Castle swallowed hard, then held out his hand for Jim to drop the ring into it. It felt heavier than it should have and Castle knew it was because he understood the significance behind it. He remembered the first time Kate had showed it to him. It had been the night she had first told him about her mothers case. The night he decided to try to help her. The night, that looking back, had changed everything. He couldn't stop the tears from slowly running down his face. Here Jim was thanking him, when it was his fault Kate was in the position she was in.

"I'm so sorry Jim…"

"For what?"

"This. All of it, its my fault. Had I not dug farther into Johanna's case, this wouldn't have happened. We wouldn't be here. Kate wouldn't' be…"

"No. this isn't your fault. She came to me when you guys found the person who killed Johanna…when you knew that was who you were going after, but before you found him…she told me she didn't want to lose this one. You've given her the closest thing to closure about her mothers case that she's ever had. She told me…that she shot the man who killed her, to save you. You have no idea how much what you've done has helped her. And I know she wouldn't admit that if she were sitting here, but for years she felt like she was chasing ghosts in her moms case. She wouldn't blame you for this, so don't blame yourself."

Castle smiled and found himself wishing that he had gotten the chance to know Jim before all of this had happened. The two men held each others gaze for a minute before lapsing back into their comfortable silence. Castle started to slip Johanna's ring into his pocket but decided it didn't feel right. He stopped for a moment as he considered what do to with the necklace. Putting it in his pocket seemed too cold and impersonal for something he knew was so important, but putting it on seemed almost too personal. He squeezed his hand around the necklace until it matched his body temperature and he almost couldn't tell he was holding it anymore, then he slipped it over his head and tucked it into the neck of his shirt. He looked sideways at Jim to gauge his reaction, but if the older man thought anything of the action he hid it well.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Yup, another update, already. I was going to alternate updates between this and Breaking Point...but this one seems to have a louder voice. I got quite a bit written, so I figured I might as well share. As always, all mistakes are my own.<p>

The best way to thank me for updating fast? Why reviews of course. Lol

As always, thank you for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

A few hours later, as visiting hours came to a close, they all stood in the waiting room hugging Castle goodbye for the night. He fist bumped Esposito and Ryan as Alexis, then Lanie wrapped their arms around him in a hug.

"Are you sure we can't get you to go home? Just for a few hours? One of us can stay. We would call as soon as we heard anything. A shower and sleep in a bed would do you wonders." Lanie pleaded with him one last time, even though she knew her pleas fell on deaf ears. Castle slowly shook his head no.

"I'm fine, really. I slept this afternoon, I'll probably sleep in the chair in her room. You guys go. I'll text or call you if anything changes. Thank you for keeping me company today."

Lanie huffed at him as she let Esposito pull her away. Jim shook Castles hand and met his eyes.

"Thank you Rick, really."

Castle simply nodded.

"Are you staying at my place again?"

"If that's okay? I'd like to be close until she wakes up."

"Of course, of course." Martha answered as she hugged Castle goodbye. "Call if you need anything."

"I will mother, thank you."

He watched with a sad smile as the group, his family, headed to the elevator. He turned back towards Kate's room as the doors slid shut behind them. He walked over to her bedside and watched her sleep, his hand unconsciously coming up to his neck, his thumb running over the chain of her necklace. He squeezed Kate's hand briefly before settling into the chair next to her bed. He smiled at the fact that one of the nurses had left a blanket folded up on the other chair. He propped his feet up on the other chair and put the blanket across his lap as he opened one of the books his mother had brought for him.

About a half an hour later he looked up as the door slowly opened and Josh walked in. Their eyes met and they stiffly nodded a greeting at each other as Josh walked to her bedside. He looked over all of the machined before his gaze rested on Kate. He watched her for a minute before looking at Castle.

"Any change?" Josh asked quietly. The two of them had come to a silent understanding that neither of them was going to leave, so they just accepted each others presence.

"No, none."

"Are you doing okay? You look like hell."

Castle laughed.

"I'm as fine as I can be with her laying there like that."

Joshed nodded then went back to watching Kate for a few minutes.

"Is it normal? That she hasn't woken up yet?" Castle asked quietly.

"Its not abnormal. She lost a lot of blood, she was in surgery for a long time, not to mention the events leading up to this were pretty traumatic from the sound of it. Part of her not waking up might be that subconsciously she isn't ready to deal with everything. Her vital signs are strong, they have been since she came out of surgery. She's going to be okay."

"Thanks."

Josh blinked at him a few times then nodded before getting up and leaving the room as quietly as he had come in.

* * *

><p>"<em>You know what, this isn't about your mothers case anymore, this is about you needing a place to hide. Because you've been chasing this thing so long you're afraid to find out who you are without it."<em>

"_You don't know me Castle! You __**think**__ you do, but you __**don't**__!"_

"_I know you crawled inside your mothers murder and didn't come out. I know you hide there, the same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men __**you don't love**__. You could be happy Kate, you deserve to be happy. But you're afraid."_

"_You know what we are Castle? We are __**over**__. Now get out."_

Kate's eyes fluttered open and her breathe caught in her chest. For a moment she panicked, then she remembered where she was. She blinked and made herself open her eyes farther and take in the room around her. She was in the hospital. She could remember something about being shot. She squeezed her eyes closed as another memory hit her.

"_If this is your spot…I will stand with you."_

"_Captain please, just listen to me. You don't have to do this. Please, sir! I forgive you. __**I forgive you."**_

"_This is my spot Kate…this is where I stand."_

"_No..no. Please! Sir, you don't have to do this. No…please. Castle let me go! PLEASE!"_

She swallowed hard before opening her eyes again. Castle? She had told him to get out, but he had come back. The captain had called him, and he had been there for her. Tears rolled down the sides of her face as she remembered Castle holding her up against the car and muttering "I'm sorry" as they listened to the gunshots that had ended the captains life. She wanted to just go back to sleep, where nothing hurt, but she forced herself to stay awake. She needed to know what was going on. She vaguely remembered someone telling her that everyone was okay, but trying to remember it was like trying to drive through a heavy fog with no headlights.

She turned her head, wincing some at the pain moving the right side of her body caused. She blinked again as the room came into focus. She smiled as she saw Castle, a blanket pulled up over him, asleep in the chairs next to her bed. She knew he would be there. She opened her mouth to say his name, but couldn't make anything louder than a hoarse whisper come out. She licked her lips and tried again.

"Castle…" It wasn't much louder than a whisper, but he jolted awake as though she had screamed it though a bullhorn into his ear. She tried to laugh, but flinched from the pain. He was next to her bed in an instant.

"Kate! I'm right here." He took her hand and she smiled at how gently he held it, as if he were afraid he would break her.

"Yea Castle, I see you."

He let out a breathe he didn't know he had been holding at the sound of her voice. He brought her hand up to his mouth and softly kissed the back of it.

"Oh thank god you're awake. Do you need anything?"

"Water…"

He grabbed the cup off of the table next to her bed and held the straw up to her lips as she took a sip.

"Thanks…how long have I…"

Castle glanced at the clock on the wall before answering her.

"Almost two days."

"Is everyone okay?"

"Aside from being worried sick about you, yes, everyone is fine."

Her eyes roamed over his face. He looked horrible and she had no doubt that he had been sleeping here however long she had been.

"And you?"

"I'm so much better now."

They held each others gaze a moment longer than necessary before she spoke again.

"What happened?"

"It was…a sniper. At Montgomery's funeral. You were giving his eulogy and the bastard as hiding behind a tombstone at the other side of the cemetery. I tried to push you out of the way, but I wasn't fast enough. Ryan and Esposito went after him, but he was already gone."

"_Shhh, Kate please. Stay with me Kate. Don't leave me…please."_

Kate closed her eyes for a second, willing the memory to stop invading her mind. When she opened her eyes again Castle's eyes met hers, full of concern.

"You…jumped in front of me, didn't you?"

"Not soon enough."

"Castle…you can't-"

"Not now, okay? We can have this discussion, but not right now. Right now, I'm just…happy you're awake. I didn't know if I-"

"Shh. Not now with that one either, okay?"

He nodded slowly and blinked hard to keep his tears in check, for her sake. She shifted her hand and laced her fingers into the spaces between his.

"Thank you, for staying. For being here when I woke up."

"Always."

"I know." She squeezed his hand softly as she felt her eyes getting heavy. They slowly fluttered shut.

"Kate." The tone in his voice sounded desperate enough that she opened her eyes again.

"It's okay Castle, I'm just tired. I'll wake up again."

"You promise?" She couldn't help but smile at the almost childlike tone in his voice, but she understood the depth of his concern so she made herself look him in the eyes.

"Always."

He beamed his Richard Castle smile at her and she felt his lips brush against her forehead as she fell back to sleep. He stood there watching her, still holding her hand, for a few minutes before gently untangling his fingers from hers and sitting back in his chair. He felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted from his shoulders since he had gotten to talk to her, even if it was only for a minute. She had been awake, and more "Kate" than she had been the first time she woke up. He picked up his phone to check the time. It was four am. He hated to wake everyone up, but he knew they would kill him if he didn't update them. He sent a short text saying that she had woken up again, was doing well, and he would see them all during visiting hours. Then he pulled the blanket up to his chin and drifted into a restless sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>You know what we are Castle? We are <strong>over<strong>. Now get out"_

"_Shhh, Kate please. Stay with me Kate. Don't leave me…please."_

"_Kate, I love you. I love you Kate."_

"Castle!"

Rick woke with a start, tears rolling down his face. It took him a minute to realize where he was and to recognize the voice that had called his name. He looked over to see Kate staring at him from her bed, a worried expression on her face. The nightmare he had been having faded the instant he saw she was awake.

"Hey, you're awake again." He said with a smile as he stood up and moved towards her bed.

"You okay?" She asked softly, completely ignoring his statement or the fact that he was trying to brush off what he had just woken up from.

"Yea, I'm fine. How long have you been awake? Do you need anything?"

"A few minutes, and no. I'm okay. There will be plenty of Doctors and nurses in here once they know I'm awake, I was just enjoying the quiet. You were-"

"Don't worry about it.

She nodded as her gaze ran over his face and stopped at the chain around his neck. He noticed as soon as she looked at it and pulled it out of his shirt and off his neck, then handed it to her. She took it from him and closed her hand around it, her eyes never leaving his.

"Your dad…asked me to hold it. He didn't want you to wake up and not have it, or wonder where it was so…he asked me to hold it for the night."

"And you put it on?" She spoke softly, and he couldn't tell from her face if she was upset or not.

"I…putting it in my pocket didn't feel right. I know how much it means to you and it felt…disrespectful somehow to put it in my pocket, so I put it on. I'm sorry if-" He stopped when she started shaking her head.

"Castle its fine. I think its sweet that you put it on. Thank you for keeping it for me. My dad was right, I was wondering where it was. I just assumed he had it."

She opened her hand and picked up the necklace by its chain, letting the ring spin above her palm for a minute before closing her hand around it again, then handing it back to Castle.

"I can't wear it here. Can you hold it until I can?"

He smiled as he slipped it back over his neck and tucked it into his shirt.

"Of course."

"We should probably call the nurse and tell her I'm awake."

"Yes. Hopefully they can get you moved out of here into a normal room where more than one person can come up. Everyone had to take shifts yesterday, I know we would all prefer to just be in a room with you together."

"Everyone? Shifts? Who has been here?"

"Everyone. Your dad, my mom, Alexis, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie. Captain Montgomery's wife came by the day…it happened." He couldn't bring himself to say out loud that she had been shot; not yet. "I told her to go home and be with her family, that we would keep her updated."

"Thank you." Kate's eyes misted over with tears as he spoke of Roy's wife. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand briefly before heading towards the door to go get the nurse.

"Castle?" Beckett called as he reached for the doorknob.

"Yea?"

"Will you stay? When all the doctors come?"

"If you want me to, of course I will."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Review that made my day:** CastleAddiction** - Thank you, for reviewing each chapter. Reading your reactions to each one was fun. Also, thank you for not throwing sharp things at me. Soft things are fine, sharp ones not so much. Lol.


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the morning went by in a blur. Doctors and nurses were in and out of the room well past when visiting hours started. They checked Kate's vitals, asked how much pain she was in, tested her reflexes and countless other things. They said depending on her, she could be moved to a regular room as early as later in the day, but definitely by the next day if she continued to show improvement. It was almost 9:30 when the last doctor finally left the room. Castle and Kate both sighed, then laughed as they looked at each other. Castle's phone vibrated with a text message; probably the fiftieth one he had gotten since visiting hours had started and no one was allowed up because he was still in the room and the doctors were visiting. He read it quickly and laughed.

"I better get out of here so everyone else can come see you before they kill me. That was Lanie threatening me with some thing I don't know the name of but it sounds sharp, and dangerous."

Kate laughed, but it sounded weak and she leaned her head back against the bed which had been raised into a reclining position.

"You should go, she means it. "

"They all want to see you too Kate."

"I know, and I want to see them. I'm just tired." The last part of the statement was quiet, and Castle was glad to see the part of Kate back that hated to admit defeat.

"They won't keep you up long. And I'll even stay out of here for a while and let you sleep."

She looked down at her hands on her lap for a few seconds before speaking.

"I…don't mind that you're hear Castle. And I don't mind if you come back…"

He smiled at her and reached for her hand. He was surprised when she took his, but realized that part of her emotions had to do with the condition she was in. He knew she would be back to her usual self in no time and glaring at him with daggers in her eyes for attempting to hold her hand, but while she let him, he was going to accept it.

"You need to rest, and you'll hardly get that with me sitting here watching you."

"Castle…you watch me all day, every day, and have been for three years. I'm pretty good at pretending you aren't there."

"Your words wound me Detective. If you decide you want me to come back, let whoever is in here last know and I'll come back, otherwise I'll be back later this afternoon."

"You're not planning on sleeping here again are you?"

"We'll talk about that later. Right now, there is a room full of people who are going to kill me if I don't leave so they can come back here."

"Okay, go, go."

She squeezed his hand briefly before letting go and swooshing him out the door.

He was met just outside of the doors to the ICU by a very annoyed looking group of people. The first person to approach him was Lanie. She walked up in front of him and sharply jabbed the front of his shoulder with one finger.

"Ow! What is it with women and poking?" He said, rubbing his chest and taking a step back from her.

"Oh, I'm gonna do a whole lot more than poke you. Do you know how long we've been down here?"

"Easy girl." Esposito chuckled from behind her as he looped his arm around her waist, then turned to look at Castle.

"Seriously bro? Not cool, we've been here since eight."

The rest of the group nodded and looked at him expectantly. He sighed as he explained everything that had happened from the time she woke up the first time until the time the last doctor walked out.

"So she might be in a private room by later in the day, but if not, first thing tomorrow if everything keeps going well. She's tired because she's been awake for a while, but she knows you all want to see her, so she's still up." He finished and looked at Jim. The older man nodded and put a hand on his shoulder before heading through the doors.

"Thank you for taking care of my little girl Rick."

* * *

><p>Kate looked up and smiled at her father as he closed the door behind him.<p>

"Hey dad." She said softly.

"Oh Katie…" It came out as an exhaled whisper as he crossed the room and took her hand as he leaned down to kiss her. She smiled and reached up to wipe a tear off of his cheek.

"I'm okay dad."

Jim smiled as he looked down at his daughter. It was hard to see her laying in a hospital bed when he was used to seeing her be so strong. There had been a time in their relationship, right after Johanna's murder, when she had been the stronger one between the two of them and had helped him out of the darkest time of his life. That was the Kate he was used to seeing, not the one laying in the hospital bed in front of him looking so fragile. He couldn't stop the tears from slowly running down his face.

"Hey, shhh, I'm okay." She squeezed his hand and he laughed softly. Even now, though she was the one who had been shot and almost killed, it was her comforting him.

"I know, I know. We came so close to losing you…"

"I know Dad, but I'm okay. I'm here."

"Yes, you are." He wiped the tears off of his face with the back of his hand. "How do you feel?"

"Like hell, and tired, but glad to be alive, so I'm great. How is everyone? How are you?"

"Now that you're awake? Much better. You have an amazing group of friends out there Katie. They've all been here."

"I know I do."

"And Rick…that man would move mountains for you. He hasn't left the hospital since they brought you here in the ambulance. And believe me, we have all tried to convince him to go home. He wouldn't leave your side. He loves you, I hope you see that."

She blushed and looked down at her lap, trying to find the right words to respond with. Her dad found them for her.

"You don't have to respond. I know now isn't the time to be discussing all of that, but I just had to let you know. He's been…unbelievable though everything."

"He is pretty unbelievable. You should try working a murder scene with him sometime." She joked, hoping to change the subject. Her father smiled at her knowingly, and the talked for a few more minutes before he leaned down to kiss her goodbye so someone else could come visit.

* * *

><p>Castle sat in the waiting room as, one by one, the rest of the group went in to visit Kate. The mood in the room lightened considerably each time someone came out from talking to her. Seeing her alive when a few days before they hadn't been sure she was going to pull though dramatically changed everyone's mood. Castle looked around the room at the tired faces surrounding him and was glad to see genuine smiles on their faces. Alexis sighed softly as she came out from visiting Kate. Tears welled in her eyes but Castle knew they were happy tears and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she sat down next to him.<p>

"She's going to be okay dad."

"Yes, she is."

"I was scared that she…"

"I know, we all were. But she's going to be fine. She's tough."

"She said the same thing."

"I'm sure she did."

"You need to tell her dad." Her voice dropped to a whisper and Castle turned so he was looking her in the eye.

"Tell her what?"

Alexis tilted her head sideways in annoyance and raised her eyebrows, her bright blue eyes boring into his.

"Dad…you know what. You need to tell her how you feel about her."

Castle sighed and rolled his eyes at his daughter. She laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder and was quiet for a minute, then, not willing to let it go,

"You do, ya know."

Castle shook his head softly and, though she felt the moment more than saw it, she knew her dad wasn't going to discuss the subject.

They all sat in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts, until Ryan came walking out of the ICU doors looking upset.

"What's wrong?" Castle asked as he sat up. Ryan looked a strange mix of irritated, embarrassed and hesitant as he glanced around the room. Castle was confused. Lanie was the only one who hadn't been up to see Kate and she should just be trading places with Ryan.

"Um…Josh is with her. He said he'll come get you when he's done." The statement was directed at Lanie but Ryan's gaze drifted to Castle as he finished speaking.

"Josh is there?" Esposito asked. Ryan gratefully looked from Castle to his partner and nodded.

"He came in right as I was telling her goodbye. He said he wanted to talk to her for a while and would come tell us when they were done."

Lanie huffed as she learned against Esposito.

"I knew I should have gone in there before you Ryan. I would have told him he could visit after her family."

"She said she wanted to talk to him."

"Oh…well…" Lanie's sentence drifted off as she looked apologetically at Castle who shrugged then leaned back in his chair, trying to keep the annoyance off of his face, and doing a poor job of it.

* * *

><p>Josh waited until the door clicked shut behind Ryan before turning back to Kate. He smiled brightly at her and she smiled back.<p>

"Hey, good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but it doesn't matter."

He took her hand as he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips then tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as he sat on the edge of her bed.

"I'm just glad you're okay. I was worried about you. I hadn't heard from you for a few days, then I get a call that you've been shot and are in the operating room."

"Yea…I had a lot going on, and then the captain…I just needed to be alone…"

Kate's gaze moved from his face to where their hands sat on the bed. She ran her thumb over the back of his hand as she wrestled with her emotions, Castle's voice echoing in her head.

"…_the same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men __**you don't love."**_

She didn't love Josh, and that realization hit her when he had walked in the room. She had been happy to see him, but not the way she should have been if she were in love with him. He was a good guy, and she cared about him, but she wasn't in love with him. She felt guilty when she realized that she hadn't even thought of him since she had woken up. She had thought about Castle, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, her father, even Alexis and Martha - her family - but he hadn't crossed her mind until he had walked in the door of her hospital room. She sighed deeply before looking up at him.

"You okay?" He asked quietly.

"No…yes…Josh…I-"

"I know."

"You do?"

"Yea, this is you breaking up with me."

She bit the corner of her bottom lip before she spoke.

"Josh, you're a great guy, you really are. But I…this isn't…working between us. And I know this is a horrible time to-"

"It's okay Kate, I get it. You're amazing, and I love you, but I know you don't feel the same way about me."

She looked up and met his gaze.

"I'm sorry Josh."

"Don't be. Just promise me you'll find someone who makes you happy Kate. You deserve to be happy." She nodded her head slowly, a tear escaped from the corner of her eye as he kissed her forehead softly. "Castle loves you Kate, don't ignore that. The look on his face when they weren't sure if you were going to make it that first night…was like part of him was dying. I can't compete with that. Take care of yourself Kate."

"You too Josh." She called after him quietly as he let go of her hand and walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Mistakes are mine, as they always are. I know it won't happen this way in the show, but my shipper heart can't handle the summer, so I'm drifting away from realistic here to make myself happy. I don't mind Josh, but I want him to go...over there. So...this is my way of doing it. Take it or leave it.<p>

Review that made my day: **JessieWills** - of all the finale fics out there, I'm glad you decided to give mine a shot. I haven't really read any myself and didn't really want to write this one, but once the story devlops a voice of its own, its hard to shut it up, so I'm glad you are enjoying it.

To everyone reading, thank you, always.


	7. Chapter 7

Castle sat up in his chair as Josh walked into the waiting room and smiled at Lanie.

"She's all yours."

Lanie nodded and grumbled, "It's about damn time." as she strode past Josh and into the ICU. Josh looked around the room and realized that this was Kate's real family, and thought they had always been polite to him, he had never been accepted as one of them. His gaze rested on Castle. He respected the fact that, as much as Castle was in love with Kate, he had never tried to cause problems in their relationship.

"Take care of her Castle." He said with a sad smile, then turned and walked back though the doors of the ICU. Castle opened his mouth to respond, but Josh was already gone. He closed his mouth and looked at Esposito.

"What was that about?"

"I don't know, do you think she…"

Castle shrugged his shoulders and leaned his head back against the wall. He was too tired to think. He had hardly slept in two days and now that the adrenaline and worry were starting to wear off he was starting to feel it.

A while later Jim came back from the cafeteria with coffee for everyone, which Castle accepted gratefully and quickly downed the entire cup, finishing just as Lanie came out, all smiles.

"She's asking for you Castle." She said with a wink as she sat back down next to Esposito. Castle sat up and rested his elbows on his knees as he looked at the rest of the group.

"She needs to rest, I shouldn't go back in there. I should just let her sleep."

"Castle. You know Beckett, if she is asking for you, she won't sleep until you're back in there. You might as well just go." Ryan answered. The rest of the group nodded in agreement.

"Are you guys staying here?"

"I think we should all go and try to get some rest, you can let us know when she is in her own room. I'm sure Ryan, Esposito and Lanie have to get back to work tomorrow, or at the very least I know we all need sleep. You could come home too tonight you know…" Martha finished with a pointed look at Castle.

"That's a good idea, we should all go home and get some rest. You too Castle." Esposito said as he stood up. The rest of them followed suit and they all hugged each other goodbye with Castle promising to keep them updated with texts and phone calls.

"You are welcome to stay at the loft again tonight Jim if you still want to be close." Rick said as he embraced Kate's father briefly. The past few days had brought them too close for a simple handshake, but Castle was still conscious of the fact that he didn't really know the man. He had met him for the first time a few days before the captain had been killed.

"Thank you Rick, I just might. If your mother and daughter don't mind that is." He turned to the redheads, who were both shaking their heads no.

"Don't be silly, you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like. Come on, lets get going." Martha smiled as she ushered both Jim and Alexis towards the elevator. "You really should come home tonight dear, you need some sleep." She called over her shoulder to Castle.

Castle smiled as he watched them all head to the elevator, their moods considerably lighter now that they had all gotten to talk to Kate and knew she was going to be okay. He watched them go until the doors slid shut behind them then he turned and headed into the ICU.

* * *

><p>"Hmm, I was starting to think you wouldn't come back." Beckett said softly as Castle closed the door behind him. He smiled at her. She looked tired, but happier than she had when he had left her. Seeing her friends and family had done her good.<p>

"Since when do I disobey a direct order?"

Kate laughed, then winced in pain but smiled at him anyways.

"More like since when do you listen to one. Come to think of it, if I wanted you here I should have told you to go away."

Castle laughed and was glad to see more of her usual sarcastic humor was coming back.

"You'd have to do a whole lot more than tell me to go away to get rid of me. I'm always going to be here Kate, whether you ask me to be or not." He said quietly, his tone serious as his eyes met hers.

"I know….about that…that day in my apartment-"

"Doesn't matter."

"It does Castle, I didn't-"

"Shh, I know. We don't need to talk about this now. You need to rest."

"So do you but you're still here."

"That's different…I wasn't…I'm not the one in the hospital bed Kate."

"I can arrange that." She laughed, then sighed, not able to fight how tired she was any longer. "Will you let me just say one thing if I promise to rest after that?"

"You drive a hard bargain Detective, but just one."

"I didn't mean what I said…about us being over. And I'm glad you came back." She smiled shyly as her gaze drifted from him to where her hands sat folded in her lap. He reached out and used one finger to tilt her chin up so she was looking at him. He was surprised to see tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm always going to be here Kate…and that was two things, not one like you promised, so now you really have to go to sleep." She laughed and half heartedly swatted his hand away from her face.

"Are you going home to get some rest?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

She hesitated, torn between what she wanted and what she knew he needed. She wanted him to stay because she didn't want to wake up alone, or worse; wake up alone from a nightmare about the captain. At the same time she felt selfish asking him to stay when she knew he needed to sleep better than he could here. He saw her hesitation and decided for her.

"I'll stay." He announced as he settled into the chair next to her bed. She smiled as she leaned her head back against the bed.

"Thank you Rick." She murmured softly as she let herself drift off to sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>This is my spot Kate…this is where I stand."<em>

Kate woke up with a sharp intake of breathe. She fought off the panicked feeling by taking deep breaths. Out of habit she looked at her left wrist to see what time it was and sighed when she realized she didn't have her watch on.

"Two a.m." Castle said quietly so he didn't startle her.

"You can't sleep?" She asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. He shrugged.

"I've slept on and off, but I've been awake for a half an hour or so. You okay?"

"Yea…"

"Liar."

She laughed quietly, but didn't really mean it. Part of her head was still in her nightmare and she knew if she closed her eyes it would pick up right where it had left off, and she didn't want to watch that happen again.

"I keep seeing that night…in the hangar…and I don't want to…"

"Oh Kate…"

He sighed as he stood up and drug his chair so it was right next to her bed. She carefully rolled onto her side so she could face him. He sat back down and took her hand in his, rubbing soothing circles on the back of it with his thumb.

"Do you know what I used to do for Alexis when she had bad dreams?"

"Hm, what?"

"I would tell her stories until she fell back to sleep."

"Imagine that, the author telling his daughter stories." She smiled at him, then laughed at his mock outrage. "I'm kidding Castle, its sweet."

"Do you want me to tell you a story?"

She blinked at him a few times, surprised and touched by the intimacy of the offer, then slowly nodded her head yes. He hesitated a second, a little surprised that she had accepted the offer, then started the story, his thumb still making lazy circles over the back of her hand.

"There was once a very beautiful, very smart, very opinionated woman. Her name was Kelly Greyson and she was an LAPD homicide detective."

Kate laughed quietly then bit her lip as Castle glared at her. He waited a second for her giggles to stop before he continued.

"She was very good at her job and everyone admired and respected her. She was happy in her career but always felt like something was missing. One day, Kelly and her partners got assigned to a very strange case. It looked like it was the work of a serial killer, but none of them could make the connection between the victims."

Kate was biting her bottom lip so hard it hurt trying to hold back her laughter but couldn't take it any more.

"Oh come on Castle, you write three Nikki Heat books about me, and now you're going to tell me a story about a Detective? What's the matter Castle, are you loosing your flair?"

"I didn't know the audience got to chose their story?"

"This is fine…I was just hoping for something a little less…real?"

Castle looked at her for a minute then smiled softly as he realized this was Kate's way of telling him that she didn't want to think about work or anything that had happened over the past week, at all, and she was looking to him to distract her.

"Right. So there was once this beautiful princess…"

He paused in his story as she dissolved into a fit of quiet giggles. He sat, blinking at her, as he waited for her to stop. He tried to keep a look of annoyance on his face, but he couldn't help but smile at the fact that she was laughing.

"Sorry…this is…much better, go on." She mumbled around a yawn as she stopped giggling.

"Thank you. Now, where was I? Oh yea, the princess. She was beautiful, and every prince for miles around wanted to be with her. They came with presents and jewels in an attempted to court her, but she wasn't interested in any of them. You see, the beautiful princess was afraid to fall in love…"

Kate fought to keep her eyes open but the combination of Rick's voice and the soothing patterns his thumb kept making across the back of her hand were making it hard. She knew he was still talking and telling her his story, but she couldn't comprehend anything he was saying and her eyelids slowly slid shut as she let herself fall back to sleep.

Rick smiled as Kate's breathing evened out and she drifted back to sleep. He let his story trail off into silence but kept her hand in his, his thumb still running over the back of it even though he knew she was asleep. He doubted he would fall back to sleep. He wanted to be there in case her nightmares woke her up again.

His thoughts wandered back to earlier in the evening and what had happened with Josh. It had taken all of his self control not to ask her what had happened, but he knew Kate, and he knew she would tell him when she was ready. He was guessing that the relationship was over because he hadn't seen Josh since the waiting room. He also thought about what she had said about not meaning it when she said they were over. He had known that, even in the heat of the moment when she said it. He had walked out because he knew he had pushed her too far. Even though he knew she didn't mean it, hearing her say it had meant a lot. Hearing her say she was glad he had come back had meant even more.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Review(s) that made my Day: **Undercover Cop2** - I'm glad that scene was so visual for you. I try to write in a very visual manner because I feel so much is said between all of these characters without words, so I'm glad you were able to "see" it so well. And for the "Marlowe-esque" comment. **Castletasmic** - your review just made me laugh, flat out laugh, I'm glad I was able to make you so happy :D **alicepuck **- for noticing the poking moment. It made me laugh as I wrote it and was my nod towards the LA episode. And yes, I promise I am not Marlowe, or anyone like that, though I would give up a limb to be part of the shows writing team haha. **castlefangt** - I'm glad the story grabbed a hold of you enough that it made you spend the day reading. And **JolieChae13** - you my dear, Always.

To everyone who reads, regardless of if you review, thank you.


	8. Chapter 8

"You need to go home and get some sleep Castle, you've been here for days." Beckett glared at him from her bed, her green eyes matching the intense stubbornness in his. She had been moved to her own room that morning and the whole group was in the room with her, much to the dismay of the nurses.

"She's right bro, you haven't left since they brought her here. We'll all be here with her."

Castle shifted his glare to Esposito, who simply raised his eyebrows at the author.

"You know we're all right Castle, you're exhausted. Just go home for a while and get some sleep. You can come back tonight." Lanie said softly. Castle glanced around the room for someone sympathetic. Everyone met his eyes with the same stubborn glare and he knew he wasn't going to win this time. He had a feeling if he refused to go home Beckett would order Ryan and Esposito to carry him out; he had no doubts that they would listen.

"Don't you people have jobs you're supposed to be at?" He huffed.

"We took a leave of absence until next week. We're…not ready to go back." Ryan answered quietly.

Castle immediately felt like a heel and realized he really did need the sleep everyone said he did. He hadn't been the only one living though the nightmare of the past few days; they all had, and everyone's patience was starting to run thin.

"I'm sorry, you're all right. I'll go home for a while and sleep, or try to, if you're sure you're okay?"

He addressed the last part of his statement towards Beckett, who smiled at him as she sighed.

"I'm okay Castle. I have an entire room full of people to make sure of it. I think they can handle it for a while."

He moved closer to her bed and reached for her hand, not caring who saw, he just needed to be close to her. He hadn't left her for very long since she had come out of surgery and, even though he knew his fear was unfounded and she was fine, he was terrified to leave. Her eyes softened with understanding as she weaved her fingers between his.

"I'll be fine Castle, and I'll be right here when you get back. I promise."

He fought the urge to lean down and kiss her, despite the fact that everyone was in the room. They held each others gaze until Lanie cleared her throat. Kate laughed and squeezed his hand before letting go.

"Go home Castle. Get some sleep."

He nodded at her, not trusting himself to speak without blurting out that he loved her. He turned to leave the room and Ryan and Esposito stood to leave with him. He looked at them, confused.

"Escorting me out?"

"Yup, paparazzi. Most of them are gone, but there are a few lingering."

"You guys really think I can't handle paparazzi? I'm probably more adept at that than you are."

"When it has to do with you, I'm sure you are, but when they are yelling questions at you about Beckett and wanting to invade her privacy? I think its better that we go with you."

Castle hesitated for minute, then nodded. With as tired as he was he wasn't sure he would be able to control himself if someone started screaming questions about Kate at him.

* * *

><p>The hospital lobby doors slid open and Ryan and Esposito walked out with Castle; one of them on each side of him. They had made it about thirty feet out of the doors when a few paparazzi with cameras came towards them.<p>

"No comment" Esposito practically growled at them as they got closer. They paid no attention to him and started snapping pictures. Rick sighed.

"Richard Castle, can we get a word about how Detective Beckett is doing?"

"No comment guys, sorry."

"Mr. Castle, just a minute of your time. Is it true she almost died?"

"Rick! Is it true the two of you are romantically involved?"

Castle tensed at the question and would have stopped walking had it not been for Esposito's arm on his elbow, pushing him forward. None of the men spoke as they walked to the cab that was already waiting. They piled in the back seat and turned their heads away from the camera flashes as the cab pulled away from the hospital.

"God I hate them sometimes. I know its just their job…" Castle muttered as he rested his head against the back of the seat. "You guys didn't have to ride with me ya know."

"Oh, we are on strict orders to make sure you actually go home." Ryan laughed.

"Right. That doesn't really surprise me."

"It shouldn't, she knows you just as well as you know her." Esposito answered from his other side.

Castle just nodded in agreement.

The ride to his loft was spent in comfortable silence. The cab waited for Ryan and Esposito as they walked up to the loft with Castle. He laughed as he unlocked his front door.

"Are you supposed to tuck me into bed too?"

"Don't tempt me, I might use handcuffs to keep you there and just tell Beckett you weren't cooperating." Ryan quipped, then put his hand on Castle shoulder.

"Go rest, we've got it handled for a while. We'll call if anything changes."

Castle nodded at them and watched as they walked down the hall to the elevator. He swung open the door to his loft and walked to his too quiet kitchen. He poured himself a drink then headed to his bedroom. He was too restless to sleep so he headed to the bathroom to shower. He was shocked when he looked in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes and more stubble on this face than just an evening shadow. His hair was plastered down to his head, most likely from running his hands through it so many times. He turned away from the mirror and turned the shower on. He undressed and waited until the water was hot before stepping in.

He rubbed his hands over his face as he let the water run over him. He washed his hair and then stood under the water until it went from hot, to warm, to almost cold before turning it off and stepping out of the shower. He pulled on sweats and a t-shirt before quickly shaving. Out of things to do, he wandered back out to his bedroom. He laid down on his bed and barely had time to wonder if he would have nightmares before his head hit the pillow and he fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to <em>_**be**__ a cop. He taught me that we are bound by our choices…but we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said to me that for us there is no victory, there are only battles. And in the end, the best that you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you."_

_She paused in her speech for a moment to look over at Castle, who was standing off to the side of the podium in a silent show of support. Their eyes met and Kate's lips turned up in a brief smile before she turned back to the mourners. _

"_Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight…"_

_Kate continued her speech and the next thing she knew Castle was screaming her name at the same time she heard a crack that sounded like gunfire._

"_Kate!"_

_She turned to look at him, but he was already in front of her, his arms wrapping around her as they both hit the ground. She could tell from his weight against her as they hit the ground that something was horribly wrong. She heard his sharp intake of breath, and it sounded completely wrong. _

"_Castle!" He didn't respond and she pushed his arm off of her as she scrambled out from underneath him. He wasn't moving. For a split second Kate's breathe caught in her chest and she couldn't move. The world around her completely disappeared except for the man in front of her. He was still face down on the grass in front of her and when she put her hand on his shoulder her white glove became soaked in blood._

"_NO! Damn it Castle!" She rolled him over onto his back and moved over him, her hands feeling for an exit wound. She couldn't find one but panic was starting to take over. She put her hand behind his neck and moved over him, her eyes locking on his. She was slightly relieved to see that they were still open and focused on her, though he looked terrified._

"_Rick! Don't you dare leave me!" She screamed as tears started rolling down her face. Her voice dropped to a whisper when he didn't respond._

"_Stay with me Rick! Don't leave me…please?"_

_A small part of her brain acknowledged that this could be the last time she spoke to him. The thought made her physically ill and she swallowed hard as her whole body started to shake._

"_Rick, I love you, I love you Rick."_

_She choked the words out around the sobs that were constricting her throat and she could have sworn she saw him try to smile before his eyes slowly slipped shut._

"NO!" Kate screamed and sat up with a loud gasp as she grabbed the rails on the bed in a death grip.

"Hey, hey. You're okay. Kate…it was a dream."

Kate's head whipped around in the direction of Lanie's voice, her heart still racing, her breathing ragged.

"Where's Castle?" She asked, breathless.

"Oh, you miss him already?" Lanie teased, then stopped short at the panicked look on Kate's face. "He's at home Kate. Everything is okay. What were you dreaming about?"

"I can't…call him, please? I need to see him…that he's alive…"

"Honey…of course he's alive. You were-"

"Lanie, _please_."

"Okay, okay. I'll go call him outside real quick. Will you be okay until I get back?"

"Yes, just…please call him."

Lanie nodded and walked out of the room. Kate leaned her head back against the bed and loosened her death grip on the rails as she took slow, deep breaths. She knew her overwhelming desire to see Castle alive was a by product of the emotions of the past week, but she didn't care. The dream had been so vivid, so real. A small part of her also acknowledged that it could have been reality, had he been a split second faster, and she needed to see him and know he was okay. She closed her eyes, but as soon as she did images from her dream started to replay, so she opened them again and waited for Lanie.

* * *

><p>A shrill ringing woke Castle from a deep sleep. He blinked a few times before recognizing the noise as his cell phone and reaching for it on the nightstand. He was instantly awake as soon as he saw that it was Lanie.<p>

"What's wrong?"

"She's okay, but she woke up freaking out over some dream and is asking for you. She says she needs to see that you're alive."

"That I'm…alive."

"That's what she said, and she's pretty upset."

"I'm on my way."

As he hung up the phone he was already at his dresser pulling on jeans. As he fumbled for a shirt his mind wandered over why she would need to see him alive. It only took him a minute to come to a conclusion about the dream she must have had. He yanked a shirt over his head and shoved his shoes on his feet as he headed for the door. He was so focused on leaving that he didn't notice his mother in the kitchen until she spoke.

"Is everything alright? You're in an awfully big hurry."

"Mother, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. Yes, everything is fine, but…Kate had a nightmare and is asking for me. Lanie said she's kind of panicked."

"That poor thing. Well, at least you got some sleep. Try to come back home tonight if you can dear, you need to get rest too if you're going to be any help to her."

Castle nodded at his mother as he walked out the door and headed for the street to hail a cab.

Lanie met him at the hospital entrance.

"Is she okay?"

"Yes, and no. She hasn't volunteered to tell me what it was about, and I haven't asked because when I came back down here she was somewhat less panicked. She asked me to come see if you were here and to call you again if you weren't to make sure you hadn't gone back to sleep."

Castle nodded as they walked towards the elevators.

"Listen, I'm gonna go. I have a feeling whatever it is she'll want to talk to you alone. Tell her I said goodnight, and I'll see her tomorrow. If you need me, call."

"Okay, thank you Lanie."

They hugged briefly as the elevator doors opened and Castle stepped inside. The ride to the floor she was on felt longer than the cab ride to the hospital and he had to fight from breaking into a run on the way to her room. He waved quickly at the nurses as he passed the station then opened the door to her room without knocking. She was leaned back against the bed with her eyes closed, but he could tell she wasn't sleeping.

"Hey, someone said you were asking for me?" He said, trying to sound light hearted. Her eyes flew open at the sound of his voice.

"Castle." She said his name quietly, but her voice was thick with emotion and she reached out towards him. He crossed the room quickly and was shocked when she wrapped her fist in his shirt and pulled him close to her. He wrapped his arms around her as she pressed her face against him.

"Hey, shhh, I'm okay. I'm right here and I'm fine."

Kate nodded against him as she felt herself loose control of the emotions she had been fighting so hard to keep in check since she woke up from the dream. She took a deep, shaky breath as he ran his hand up and down her back.

"We were…it was Roy's funeral again…and I was giving the eulogy. Everything was going the same way it did until…when he shot me…you were in time and you jumped in front of me and…he hit you instead of me and…" Her voice caught in her throat as the tears started to run down her face.

"Aw Kate…I'm sorry. It didn't happen, I'm right here. Look at me…"

She tilted her head up and looked at him and he smiled.

"See? I'm here. I'm right here and I'm fine."

She took a deep breath but couldn't stop the tears. The dream had seemed so real, and she knew all too well it could have happened. She swallowed hard and leaned her face against him again. He sighed and ran his hand over her hair.

"Shhh. Its okay. Kate…I'm okay."

"You got hit in the back…because you jumped in front of me. There was so much blood…and I couldn't do anything…" Her words were lost in her sobs and Rick knew part of it was her emotions over what had happened to her.

"Scoot over." He said softly. She looked up at him, confused.

"What?"

"Move over." He nudged her shoulder gently.

"Rick you can't get in bed with me…"

"The hell I can't. Just scoot Kate."

She continued to grumble at him but slowly moved out of his way. He slid carefully into the bed behind her, one leg hanging off the edge and the other stretched out along the other side of her. He grabbed the edge of her hospital gown and tugged back towards him. She huffed as she leaned against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands resting carefully against her stomach.

"See? I'm here, I'm okay, and I'm not going anywhere."

Kate felt what little control she had left crumble and she let herself melt against him, crying quietly.

"Rick…it could have happened. It came so close…I…watched your eyes close. Even though I begged you not to go…"

"I know…I'm sorry." His arms subconsciously tightened around her as he remembered watching her eyes slip shut as he begged her to stay with him. She moved her hands over his and they sat quietly, each of them lost in their own memories.

Rick's thumb moved slowly over her stomach as he remembered holding her and begging her to stay with him, then telling her he loved her when he thought she wasn't going to make it. His thoughts wandered back to all the times he had wanted to tell her how he felt but hadn't for the fear of losing what they had already. He thought of his mother telling him not to waste another minute of life. Even though he didn't want to, his thoughts drifted back to when the captain had called him and that night in the hanger. Her screams as he had carried her away knowing the captain was going to die in her place were something that would never leave him. Holding her up and apologizing as she completely fell apart against the car outside the hangar had been one of the hardest things he had ever done; until a few days later when he held her and thought he was losing her. He wasn't sure if she had heard him tell her that he loved her before she passed out, but he knew one thing for certain; as soon as she was out of the hospital and things were back to some semblance of normal, he was going to make sure she knew exactly how he felt. Life was too short to hold back.

Kate sighed and leaned her head back against his chest as she let herself relax against him. His thumb moving over her stomach combined with the fact that he was there, solidly wrapped around her, was oddly comforting and she felt her eyes drifting shut.

"_Kate I love you, I love you Kate."_

His voice echoed in her head as soon as her eyes slipped shut. She opened them again and was drawn back into her dream as she realized how closely it paralleled what he had gone through with her, right down to the words she said before he passed out. She thought of all the times he had saved her life, while recklessly risking his own without a second thought. The little things he had done to make her smile. The effort, time and money he had put into her mothers case, without ever being asked, hell at first after specifically being told not to. She realized she wouldn't be anywhere near as close to solving her moms case if it wasn't for him. She also knew part of him probably blamed himself for everything that had happened; it was just how he was. She remembered all of the people who told her he cared about her, even if she wasn't ready or willing to see it. Her most recent thought was of the letter from Royce, who she had been madly in love with at one point, telling her that what she had Castle had was real and that she was fighting it. The letter had really made her think and she realized that he was right. She had been fighting it because she was afraid of being hurt. At fist she hadn't been sure if his feelings for her were real of if she was just another number or challenge. As he spent more and more time at the precinct working with her he had changed and recently she knew she wasn't just another conquest to him. He had become one of her most trusted friends and if she was honest with herself, she loved him too. Her mind ran over the last line in the letter from Royce.

"_The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder…if only."_

She sighed softly then smiled as Castle ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

"What was that for?" He asked quietly.

She hesitated, unsure if now was the right time for the truth. She knew they were both exhausted and reeling from the events of the past week and both of their emotions were running high. She also knew that, exhausted or not, what she felt and what she wanted to say to him was real.

"Just thinking."

"Did you want to talk about it?"

She took a deep breath and another part of Royce's letter ran across her mind, as clearly as if he had spoken the words to her instead of writing them. "_**Risking our hearts is why we're alive.**__"_

"Actually…yea, I do." She felt him tense slightly behind her and she squeezed his hand, lacing her fingers between his.

"I… remember what you said to me at Roy's funeral, right before I blacked out. I heard you, and I remember. And… I don't know where this is going to take us, but I know I'm tired of fighting it. Life is to short, we've been reminded of that recently and…we're lucky enough to have a second chance."

She turned slightly in his arms so she could look at him, her shoulder resting against his chest rather than her back, and the intensity in his blue eyes almost took her breath away.

"I love you Rick."

She bit the corner of her bottom lip as she waited for his response. Castle's mind as reeling as what she said sunk in. They were words he wasn't sure he would ever hear come out of her mouth, and now that they had his mind had gone completely blank. Every scenario he had ever thought of never went like this. He smiled slowly as the truth of what she admitted hit him.

"Kate…you have no idea…"

He whispered as he leaned down slowly and kissed her. The seconds between her speaking and him kissing her felt like an eternity to Kate and when his lips met hers she kissed him back, trying to put all of her emotions into it so he knew she meant what she said. She move her hand slowly across his cheek before weaving her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He pulled back from the kiss, resting his forehead against hers as he smiled.

"Take it easy, we are in a hospital bed."

She laughed quietly and kissed him again then rested her head against his chest so he didn't see the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. He put his chin on top of her head.

"I love you too Kate, so much."

"I know you do, and I'm sorry-"

"Shh. Whatever it is doesn't matter. I love you."

She leaned into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her. She knew they would still have their issues. There would be days where she still wanted to kill him, or handcuff him to the car. There would be days when she got sick of his outlandish theories or his childish need to touch things that shouldn't be touched. She knew they would argue, and she even knew they would probably hurt each other from time to time. Beyond all of that she knew what they had was real. She knew he would always be there for her, no matter what, whether it was to bring her coffee and make her smile or to hold her together when her entire world was falling apart. It was something she had realized a while ago, and it was the reason he was one of the few people she really trusted.

She knew the next few months were going to be hard. There was going to be her recovery and everything that went with that. There would be a new captain at the precinct; and she had no idea what they would think of the interesting arrangement Castle had with the 12th. There was also still her mothers case. Whoever was behind the whole thing was still out there and she had become their main target. Even with everything she knew was coming, she had no doubt that he would be there though it all. She smiled as she realized it had been something he had been trying to say for a long time with the one word he often used to sum up their relationship.

"I love you too Rick." She muttered softly into his chest as she started to drift off to sleep, "Always."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

This is it, the end of the story I never wanted to write in the first place, Lol.

I don't want to write the new captain or anything like that. I have too much respect for the show, the story line and the writers to attempt to write in a new main character. This story started as a small idea in my head then soon developed its own voice and would not leave me alone until I wrote it.

I didn't like it the entire time I was writing it simply because I didn't want to jump on the "finale fic" bandwagon. But, with an ending like that how can your mind not wander? In the end, I have decided I am okay with it. It ended up being longer than I thought it would be, yet at the same time it is shorter than my long stories usually are.

As always, thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, and even those who haven't. I'm glad people enjoyed this. Hopefully I'll see you all around Breaking Point, which I plan to have more time for now.

And to "peanut", thank you for continuing to be my biggest fan.


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